Is Conflict Or Distance With A Parent Causing You Stress?
Discover The Research-Backed Insights and Skills You Need To Build The Safe And Healthy Relationship You Want
Both in my private practice as a psychotherapist and in my interactions with people on social media…
It seems that every day I’m talking about some form of familial conflict.
If you’d like techniques and skills to help you repair and establish healthy boundaries with a parent...
Even if only around certain subjects that feel strained or awkward or are causing distance…
I'm glad you’re here today.
Parental Conflict Can Be Exhausting And Frustrating
(And Incredibly Difficult To Resolve For Many Reasons)
A felt coldness or distance.
Awkward, tense quiet.
Passive aggression or out-right harassment.
Maybe negativity or criticism from a parent is the norm and you feel anxious in their presence. Because of this, you may even find yourself thinking about ‘taking a break’ from them or cutting them out altogether.
Maybe you begrudgingly go along with family events or parental obligations…but you don’t enjoy them, you check out, and find them unsatisfying…even stressful.
Maybe you’re the one playing the role of the ‘parent’ in the relationship and you’re just confused about how to navigate their needs or what your obligations are.
Whatever the case may be…
Experiencing boundary violations can be disorienting. It can lead you to second guess yourself, turn away from the other person, and ultimately wear yourself out worrying about it.
To make matters worse…
When We React To A Parent Out Of Our Childhood Wounds It Can Often Create More Division
We pent up anger…
Lose our temper...
Hear only what we want to hear through the lens of our resentment…
Feel ‘bruised to the touch’ and highly sensitive to old arguments...
Our untreated parental wounds put us on the defensive, skew our vision, and rob us of our ability to navigate the situation in a grounded and balanced way.
It could be that the untreated wound or let down from a parent makes it hard to know what to say… like you don’t have an emotional compass to rely on.
This feeling of not having control can be compounded by a history of abuse, trauma, or neglect…
Or simply brought on by the absence of warmth...frequent put downs, criticisms, and ‘I told you so’s’...and not finding the acceptance you crave.
Sometimes, even though there’s nothing terrible you can point to in your childhood…
You just don’t get along as well as you’d like to.
If you can relate to any of the above…
If you’d like a better relationship with a parent…
If what you’ve been trying simply hasn’t been working…
Here’s some good news:
I recently recorded the Boundaries With Parents workshop.
This series of 3 videos (60-minute total runtime) is designed to give you some tools and strategies you can use right away to extend the proverbial ‘olive branch’…
And with it the opportunity to move toward a SAFER, more connected, and less turbulent relationship with a parent.
The Workshop Will Empower You To:
- Get in touch with parental wounds so you know when you’re reacting out of hurt vs. acting in line with your values and the healthy boundaries you’ve set for yourself
- Interact with a ‘triggering’ parent in a more sober-minded
and less reactive way
- Better distinguish where the boundaries lie between child and parent
- Learn a simple conversation sequence to express your needs without reacting angrily, cutting them out, or resorting to passive aggressive tactics.
Even if you’re mostly happy with your relationship but you’d like a few ways to better approach a touchy subject that’s been giving you a pit in your stomach...
This workshop is for you.
My style is accessible, fun, and free of psychobabble, so you don’t need an advanced degree to understand it.
There’s no “fluff” in any of this, either.
You’ll walk away with practical insights and tools you can use starting today to diffuse some of the tension you may be feeling.
However, before we go any further, let me make something clear:
I don’t know the details of your situation.
And this workshop is not the same as one-on-one counseling with me.
(Nor is it intended to replace the counseling you’d do with a local therapist)
It’s simply meant to provide you the context you need to approach the problem of parental conflict in a more meaningful way.
So while not everything may be specific to your situation, this workshop will give you research-backed principles and strategies that have been shown to work in expansively diverse situations.
In a minute, I’ll tell you about how you can get access, but first…
Here’s A Sample Of Topics Covered In The Workshop:
- Proven insights and skills that have the power to transform families (I’ve seen it in my practice! Using these techniques can help you to make progress toward the relationship you want with a parent)
- A simple, 2-step “confrontation sequence” to navigate potentially contentious conversations with a parent (We’ll talk about effective ways to approach a parent that minimizes defensiveness or unnecessary conflict)
- How to dial back your reactiveness so you can approach conflicts in a more sober-minded way
- A deeper look into a parent’s responsibilities toward a child (And how to use this understanding to set boundaries from a more rational footing)
- A research-proven way to identify parental wounds so you can move towards healing (Do this correctly and it can help you learn to be less reactive, and more grounded in any potentially heated moments)
- 4 categories of basic needs a parent owes a child (I use the word ‘owe’ on purpose. Knowing where parental responsibilities lie will help you better delineate boundaries)
- The “zone of proximal development” that builds a child’s sense of confidence (And why, when a child’s needs aren’t met in this way it leaves a very definite mark)
- A real-life insight into the limits of parental responsibility in your healing journey
- What to do if you grew up in a broken or dysfunctional home that left you feeling unsafe or unwanted (These are some of the more serious wounds…including trauma or abuse…that you’ll need to address before you can have a more grounded discussion around boundaries)
- How our values shape the way we interact with the world (And why, if we weren’t taught a few basics, it can lead to patterns of behavior that result in negative outcomes)
- A clear dividing line by which to judge boundary violations (Is it really a boundary violation if it’s my responsibility? You’ll be better equipped to answer questions like these)
- The “owner analogy” for spotting patterns that prevent you resolving boundary conflicts in a respectful and reciprocal way
- Examples of kids that don’t have their needs met and what this means for them as adults (If you come from a background of trauma or neglect… and you find yourself continually running into obstacles without really knowing why...this discussion will be helpful)
- What it means if you find yourself in a “role reversal” situation where you feel like you need to be the parent (And some breakthrough insights for how to deal with the kinds of situations that could come up as a result)
- The single, all-important first step to dealing with a “triggering” parent without being overly critical or mean
- The difficult, but sometimes-necessary change that can bring about breakthroughs in gridlocked parental conflicts (Full disclosure: this technique is context specific and may not be right for you. But it has been a sanity-saver for many of my patients!)
- A simple tip that will help you hold your ground in tense situations
- What to do for a partner or spouse you perceive as overly reactive to a parent (In-law conflicts can be just as tricky to navigate as your own parents…but your partner likely has some needs that are important for you to understand)
- An effective “backup” option for confronting a parent when emotions are running high
- Why community is key to resolving your most emotionally charged conflicts (Topics like these don’t always demand professional help, but a good support system can make all the difference. Here’s how to benefit from a mentor, confidant, or friend)
- Two common areas that lead to boundary conflicts and how to approach them using the confrontation sequence
- How your parent’s own wounds could be manifesting in boundary conflicts with their adult children (PLUS, how to confront those wounds in a way that is respectful and doesn’t entangle you in long, drawn-out conflicts)
- The critical element to drawing fair boundaries and clearly expressing your needs (When you approach things in this way, not only does it let you dial back your own reactiveness, but it opens the way for better communication with your parent)
- The major flaw in demanding parental approval to heal parental wounds
- The fallacy of “secret contracts”...when a parent leverages past sacrifices to compel current day behavior (‘It’s the least you can do…’, ‘I guess that’s the thanks I get…’ you’ll get specific tools for how to deal with this unique form of manipulation)
- How to “de-escalate” conflicts simply by holding your boundary (Intensity can be a symptom of woundedness. Here’s how to meet those wounds with compassion so things don’t get out of control)
There’s just a small taste of the topics covered in the workshop.
You can expect a thorough discussion on improving communication with a parent and setting boundaries, in a format that anyone can understand. Also, the strategies I reveal are straightforward to implement.
These are the same research-backed techniques I use with my private counseling patients. They represent my own take on the prevailing models today (and as such, you won’t find this information anywhere else).
Even if you just want some tools to help you become a more effective communicator and to build your confidence in setting and holding to boundaries…
You’re going to love the workshop.
So, here’s the deal:
The Boundaries With Parents Workshop retails for $97.
But, if you order today, you can get instant access for just $49 and I’ll also include this limited-time free bonus:
The Set Better Boundaries Workbook
This hands-on guide contains simple exercises that will help you gain new insights into your relationship with a parent. You’ll discover in what areas you are the most reactive and why.
It will also let you practice some of the tools and techniques we’ll be discussing in the workshop, so when it does come time to have those all-important conversations, you’ll be even better prepared.
A $39 Value, I’ll send it to you FREE with your order today.
You’ll be taken to our shopping cart.
Simply fill in your information (which only takes a few minutes) and you’ll instantly be emailed a link to view the workshop and to download your Workbook.
The workshop can easily be viewed on any smartphone, tablet, Mac or PC computer.
All of which means you could be learning these techniques just minutes from now if you want.
You may be tempted to put this off…
If an issue with a parent has been causing you stress, there is help for you.
Click the button below to get the Boundaries With Parents Workshop right now while this is on your mind:
-Matthias J Barker
P.S. Here are some of the questions most commonly asked about the workshop:
Meet Matthias Barker
Hi, I’m Matthias. I have a Master’s Degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, and I've been formally trained for treating complex trauma, anxiety, and marital issues. I treat a large variety of mental disorders and difficult life circumstances in my clinical practice based in Nashville, Tennessee.
I discovered psychotherapy during a crisis in my 20s that led to processing my own struggle with depression and childhood trauma. Today, I love seeing the principles that saved my life help others too.
I'm about showing you how to move towards what's meaningful in life despite hardship. I wanted to make this workshop available because so many people I talk to feel at an impasse when it comes to dealing with a parent. But they don’t want to just cut them out, either. My hope is the workshop will empower you to be true to what matters most to you, and communicate with your parent about it in a more impactful way.
I've seen time and time again that avoiding the conversation tends to make the problem worse. My hope is the workshop will empower you to be more honest about what matters most to you, and communicate it in a more powerful way.